I Should Be Engaged.

This was so wonderful.

Corinne R. Steele's avatarCorinne Steele

I want to be engaged this year. As of yesterday I’ve been on this earth for more than twenty-three years, and I think it’s about time for me to be engaged.

I’ve been asking people on my Home Team what one word they want to hold true for 2016, and when the question was finally reciprocated by my friend Sanford, I couldn’t come up with anything. I hadn’t found one that quite fit just yet.

I would  say seemingly meaningful words aloud to see if their meanings would hold any significance for what I want this next year to be.

I rustled up words like depth or rest or value and announced them to myself in the car or in the shower or on my walk to work. Nothing was clicking.

Until I drove to Joshua Tree yesterday morning, and that’s when a word so unexpected was whispered into the silence…

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Here Comes the Sun

So many of my friends and acquaintances from school are getting/have gotten married this year, and floating amongst the lovely pictures of bridesmaids and wedding showers and adorable DIY centerpieces are well wishes from friends and family of the soon-to-be/newlyweds. And as I sit quietly creeping their profiles with the biggest smile on my face from seeing all these posts, I can’t help but wonder: what would people say to me on the eve of my wedding? And also, because my brain thinks in extremes, what would people say if they heard that I died? Would people come to my funeral?

See, over the past year I have been made painfully aware of what an awful person I am. Yep, I said it. I’m a terrible person. And having people point that out to me really, really sucks. Especially when those people are my closest friends. It gets even worse when it’s pointed out on multiple occasions. I’ve spent many nights cuddling my Zoloft and sobbing myself to sleep trying to figure out why I’m such an awful person and how I’m going to go about changing that. So it’s not surprising that in the midst of my hyper-awareness wedding congratulations and beautiful eulogies force me to stop and think.

How would people describe me? How would you describe me? If I surveyed 100 of the people I interact with the most, I’m positive that the number one answer (cue Family Feud music) would be that I’m hilarious. And they’d be absolutely correct. I love to make people laugh, even if it’s at my own expense. But is that my only good quality? Would people then have to take a second to think about it? Because let’s face it: I’m not always ‘nice’.

Why does all of this matter to me anyways? Especially in this century when it’s the norm to not care what anybody thinks about you… I’ll confess that part of the reason is because I simply want to be liked, and genuinely liked. I don’t want it to ever be the case where I step out of a room filled with close friends and they talk behind my back about what an awful person I actually am… I don’t want it to ever be the case where a guy that I like looks at me and thinks to himself: “Mmm, yeah she’s kinda cute, but now that I’ve gotten to know her, I realize that she’s not that great of a person, and I don’t want to be with someone like that.” Those situations really suck. I want people to be able to write honestly nice things in my wedding congratulations or in my eulogy. I want people to come to my funeral because they want to celebrate the life of a truly wonderful person…

Ultimately, it matters to me because I don’t want my witness as a Christian to be marred by my occasionally nasty personality. I don’t want to ever hear anyone say: “You? YOU ah Christian? Ah nuh you same one did ah insult Shaniqua di odda day? An did ah talk bout how har front teet suh buff dem coulda tun inna gardening tool???” (For my American friends, allow me to translate: “How can YOU claim to be a Christian? I’m fairly certain that just the other day I overheard you slandering Shaniqua, saying that her front teeth protrude so fiercely that they could almost be used as gardening implements!!”)

I want my future husband (and everyone else for that matter) to be able to substitute my name for every instance of the word ‘love’ in 1 Corinthians 13: “Brie is patient, Brie is kind. Brie does not envy, Brie does not boast, Brie is not proud. Brie does not dishonor others, Brie is not self-seeking, Brie is not easily angered, Brie keeps no record of wrongs. Brie does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. Brie always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” As a fallen creature, I’m bound to miss the mark sometimes, but being saved by grace I know I will always receive Help to get up and try again. So thank you, friends, for pointing out my awfulness. Thank you for the tear-soaked pillows and the puffy eyes. You have set me on a new journey.

My middle name is Soleil. It’s French for ‘sun’. Our sun gives light, life and warmth to our planet. I’m going to go and be light.

“You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden. Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.”              – Matt 5:14-16

Weight Loss and Why I Suck At It

I feel like my ultimate goal in life for the past 4 years has been to lose weight, particularly the freshman 15 (more like freshman 50) that I ceremonially put on upon arrival at college in the United States. Over the course of these past four years though, I have indeed lost the weight… and then put it back on again… and then lost it again… and then put on 30 pounds in its place…

Awk…

Anyone can see why I find this frustrating. But what I find even more frustrating is the fact that lately I’ve simply not had the motivation to workout, even though I currently weigh more than I have ever weighed before. Or rather, I’m unsatisfied with my usual motivations…

I’ve always wanted to lose weight so that I can either look great in pictures, or impress that guy that I like, or to get my mother to stop harping on me about my double chin. I’ve realized that I’ve only wanted to lose weight so that I can win the approval of some person or another. And I’m not about that life anymore.

…But, now what? What’s my motivation now? ‘Do it for myself’?

I constantly see pictures on social media of my friends and their seemingly perfect bodies going for an early-morning run, or beasting it in the gym, and I can’t help but compare myself to them. I want all those things. I want the motivation to get up and work out. I want that hot body. But I don’t want to do it simply because I feel that I have to fit into some society mold of beauty or because I’m jealous that they are able to do it while I’m driving the struggle bus.

So now I’m stuck. I feel like Phoebe from FRIENDS in that episode where she tries to identify a truly unselfish good deed: I can’t seem to find a reason “unselfish” enough to workout. I still cringe when I see myself in pictures. I still wish I didn’t have to tuck my belly fat into my jeans when I sit down (don’t pretend like you don’t do it too! I can’t be the only one…). I still wonder if more guys would find me attractive if I had less fat in awkward places. I fully admit that these thoughts still cross my mind.

Perhaps the least selfish reason why I should want to lose weight is because God says in His word that my body is a temple, and so I should take care of it. Even then… it’s not like I’m obese to the point where my health is in serious danger… I know God loves me even though I have thunder thighs and more chins than the Chinese phonebook…

I suppose when I get right down to it, my biggest deterrent is my refusal to feed my perfectionism. All of those things I mentioned earlier — the jealousy, the need to fit a societal beauty mold, the neat and tidy temple — stem from my deep-seated desire to be ‘perfect’ in every area of my life. My perfectionism has driven me to tears more times than I’m willing to admit, and for the past year I’ve been trying to stifle it. And still I seem to come up short.

(Ah, irony, the opposite of wrinkly.)

I can’t help but remember the passage in Matthew 5 where Jesus says, “Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” And even as I write this and begin hearing the gears in my brain click into over-thinking mode, I hear the Spirit nudge me towards 1 Peter 1:16 which says, “for it is written: ‘Be holy, because I am holy.'” The word ‘holy’ (as used in the original Hebrew to which this verse makes reference) means to be set apart, sanctified, totally “other”. God’s ultimate desire for me is to be totally set  apart for Him. To apply this to my current dilemma, I suspect that God wants me to focus on being set apart for Him, and if being fit and strong will help me accomplish his will, then I’ll be more than happy to oblige.

My Greatest Fear

I am graduating from college in 3 months. I am a little excited and a whole lot terrified. Terrified because I am not pursuing a career in the field that I’ll be getting my degree in. Excited because I couldn’t be more thrilled to escape the torture of engineering. 

When I discovered that engineering was not for me, I decided to just stick it out to the end and “figure out life later.” Well, now it is later, and I’m only just beginning to figure stuff out. After a few wonderful conversations with some truly wonderful people, I finally have a general idea of what I want I want to do with my life. 

I once heard a saying to the effect of: “Do something you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” This is my general philosophy when it comes to making a living. I entirely reject the idea that I have to spend 40+ years of my life in a job that I barely tolerate just for the sake of paying the bills. Or even for the first 5 or 10 years after graduation for that matter! Of course I understand that this is sometimes simply necessary, but when did I start believing the lie that this is absolutely how life has to be? When did I lose the courage to dream (and I’m talking about more than just “The American Dream” here)? Somehow, along the way in my educational career, my goals and dreams became distilled down to ‘get job that pays bills and just hope to tolerate it.’ 

Well, at the end of high school my dream was to be a concert pianist. I love music, and it would have been so amazing to make a living from it. However, as I considered applying to Juilliard, I was reminded that the only people who get into Juilliard, much less go on to become professional musicians, are virtuosos, and I was (and am not) a virtuoso. Needless to say, that dream was subsequently extinguished. So I settled on studying chemical engineering, and I planned on still taking music courses, just ’cause. I never ended up taking any music courses, partially because I didn’t have the time, and partially because I was afraid that once music became ‘schoolwork,’ I would start to detest it. 

This is my greatest fear. I am afraid that by pursuing a career in something that I really do enjoy and am passionate about, I will one day come to hate it because it is now associated with work (and potentially stress). It may seem silly, but for so long I have separated “work” and “fun” despite my philosophy of reconciling the two. 

Pursuing a career in writing/ editing is scary. I really do enjoy it, and I never want the day to come when I dread the very thought of having to write something. I don’t consider this an unreasonable or unrealistic goal either. I know that life doesn’t always go the way we want it to, but if I never try then I’ll never know. Maybe I could have been a fabulous concert pianist, I’ll never know. I’m not letting another dream slip away. 

Let’s talk about the Bible.

Hi friends!

A few days ago, my Facebook news feed presented me with a link to an article on Relevant Magazine’s website entitled “5 Things I Wish Christians Would Admit” and I thought it was a most interesting article, so I shared it. Last night, one of my friends commented on my post with a link to another article that she found, this one a direct counter to the original, and she asked me for my opinion of it. I took a look at it, and now I’m sitting here writing this blog post. Needless to say, this is gonna be a long one, so gird up your loins and hold on tight.

DISCLAIMER: I’m not a Bible scholar or theologian. I’ve not had years of seminary to prepare me for this post. I certainly do not suppose that I know it all. These facts do not disqualify me from this conversation, though, and I have managed to learn a thing or two in my 20 years on this earth. Also, I suggest reading both articles before continuing.

Half of the reason why I don’t like Dean’s counter-argument is because I don’t like the tone he adopts. Though, from skimming the rest of his blog, it would appear that it is simply his style of argument. It isn’t super effective, but whatever cooks your chicken, I guess. Secondly, much of his argument is spent criticizing Mr. Pavlovitz’s word choice. This is a reasonable approach because, indeed, the way you say something is just as important as what you say. But at the end of the day, it only left me with a long list of ‘problems’ and not very many solutions. I really could go on and on, but that isn’t my point in writing this piece. I am in search of truth, and I believe both articles offer insight into the truth. [I also think Mr. Dean should see a doctor, because it is apparent that his panties are very tightly bunched, and he may need some help taking care of that.]

1. The Bible Isn’t a Magic Book

As Mr. Dean fairly pointed out, this is a bit of a misleading title for the claims made within the paragraph. That doesn’t discredit the validity of the claims. It is important that we approach the Bible and its contents with contextual appropriateness in order understand most fully what we are reading. In the same way that I have found myself in many a hilarious (and awkward) situation by overhearing a fragment of a conversation and completely misunderstanding it due to my lack of contextual information, we can misunderstand the Bible if we don’t know what’s going on in any particular passage. The Bible, made interesting (I’m using this word very loosely here, and you will understand what I mean by it in the rest of the sentence) by the various writing styles and genres it encompasses, tells the beautiful overarching story of God’s love for us, and this is ultimately the most important thing about it.

2. The Bible Isn’t as Clear as We’d Like It To Be

Again, as Mr. Dean got a bit nit-picky about, this title has some underlying nuances which could ruffle some people’s feathers (and it has). But again, the statement itself is true: the Bible isn’t always perfectly clear. This is, as Dean pointed out, at least partially due to the fact that we as fallen creatures aren’t always successful in interpreting it correctly, which brings us back to the idea of context (please note: I’m not saying that by perfectly understanding the context of a passage that we will always perfectly understand it. Sometimes we just straight-up don’t get it). On the other hand, as Mr. Pavlovitz notes, the Bible can sometimes seem unclear because of apparent contradictions contained within. His illustration of Old Testament commandments contradicting (in and of themselves) Jesus’ New Testament commands is a good example of this. But like Pavlovitz says and explains, it doesn’t diminish the Scriptures. The good news is that God didn’t simply drop the Bible from the sky and say “Okay guys here ya go, read this. You’re not allowed to ask me any questions about it if you don’t understand something. I’m gonna go take a nap now.” We have the freedom to approach Him with our doubts and concerns about it, and in doing so we have received real clarification.

3. The Bible Was Inspired By God, Not Dictated By God.

I don’t really want to address Mr. Dean’s issue with this section, largely because his greatest issue appears to be with the notion of ‘free will’. I could sit here all day proving the existence of free will and combating Dean’s arguments regarding it, but because I hope to be able to take a nap this afternoon, I’m not even going to touch the topic.

However, it is important to mention that Dean is right in believing that we need to be careful of how we understand the phrase ‘inspired by God’ and, may I suggest also, the phrase ‘dictated by God’. There is no denying that the biblical authors were divinely inspired. The consistency of the Bible’s overarching important message would dissolve if this were not the case. And Pavlovitz is right in saying that the authors didn’t become mindless zombies transcribing word-for-word what God stood in front of them and said. We should not take this to mean that the Bible doesn’t include any words that proceeded from the mouth of The Lord, because, as anyone who has read the Bible will tell you, this just isn’t true. I really could say a lot more regarding this, but because I have the attention span of a six-year-old hyped up on Pixie Stiks and Mountain Dew, I’ll lose my train of thought and start to ramble, so I think I’ll leave it at that.

4. We All Pick And Choose The Bible We Believe, Preach and Defend.

C’mon guys, let’s be honest, this is so true. We’re all guilty of ‘cherry-picking’ the Bible. What exactly we choose to uphold varies based on our own individual experiences, our cultures, our friends etc. Perhaps the reason we do this is because we’re uncomfortable with what certain passages say on the surface. I know that there are certain passages that I’m uncomfortable with. Maybe we don’t understand what the passage is really getting at, and if we did our problems with it wouldn’t exist. I dunno. It’s a hard pill to swallow. At least for me it is. I’ve met people like Mr. Dean who will say “suck it up, princess, that’s just how it is.” Maybe we’re all missing something. We wouldn’t be so neck-deep in arguments back and forth if we weren’t. I’ll be the first one to admit that I suspect there’s ultimately more to the story, a big picture that God is trying to get us to see. My mom would say that the ‘big picture’ is grace, and I don’t doubt that at all (my understanding of grace is incomplete, and I’m in the process of wrapping my head around it. But that is another story for [maybe] another day).

5. God Is Bigger Than The Bible.

I think this is something that we all need to remember. Pavlovitz’s description of how the Bible points to God is accurate, and I’m not going to nit-pick and “read between the lines” like Mr. Dean does to uncover all the “gaps” in it. But the point of it all is that God is super great and super big. We as humans have tried using all the ways we know how to describe how incredible God is, but the fact of the matter is that we will never truly be able to capture it all. Our human methods are inadequate. Yet because it’s all we’ve got, we make do and use them to glorify Him. I wouldn’t think that God expects us to do any differently.

I suck at conclusions, guys, so please bear with me.

We Christians suck at a lot of things too, huh? Especially regarding Scripture. Hermeneutics will forever be an issue, and arguments are bound to ensue. But we’re all after the same thing: correct understanding of The Bible and how we ought to apply its teachings. And hey, we haven’t failed miserably at it! I’m really thankful that God didn’t leave us to fend for ourselves in this regard. He gave us intellect which we should use, and He gave us Jesus to bridge the gap that sin made between us and Him. The best we can do, I suppose, is take our doubts and concerns about the Bible to Him.

Welcome to my blog!

Oh hi there (:

Welcome to my blog! We use backwards smiley faces here (:

I’m Brie, and I think Jesus is the bomb.com. I enjoy playing music, making ridiculous faces and swing dancing, and sometimes, I unleash my inner granny and crochet things. This is my blog where I shall post whatever I feel like posting. Prepare thyself to encounter a little bit of everything.

This blog is not for the easily offended, nor is it for those who resist truth in favour of preconceived notions. I still invite all to read. Take a look at life from a different perspective. Let us explore the world together, and have open and honest conversation about things. But this conversation assumes that both you and I are prepared to acknowledge when we are wrong. I will respect your beliefs if you respect mine.

So take a look around, leave me a comment, hit that little “Follow” button… it’ll make me very happy (: If there’s anything you’d like to hear me talk about, leave me a comment!! Please!! Haha.

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~Brie (: